


Goodnight Moon

by RomanoffonamoR



Series: Marvel Cinematic Littleverse [18]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Age Play, Angst, Big Phil Coulson, Bigs and littles are known, Gen, Little Bobbi Morse, Little Maria Hill, Littleverse, Marvel Cinematic Littleverse, Non-Sexual Age Play, References to past physical injury, heartmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-17
Updated: 2018-06-17
Packaged: 2019-05-24 15:22:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,881
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14957142
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RomanoffonamoR/pseuds/RomanoffonamoR
Summary: A brief look into Coulson's mind as he last minute babysits Little Maria and Little Bobbi.





	Goodnight Moon

**Author's Note:**

> Hey all! Here's a quick little oneshot for you to enjoy while endlessly waiting for me to update the other fic. 
> 
> I've basically hit a brick wall with the Pepper and Tony one and am seriously considering just moving on to the next planned fic and simply referencing what would have happened in the final chapter in an exposition sort of way. It's pretty poor writing, but at this point I rather keep moving forward than sit here stuck for a few more weeks.
> 
> Potential Trigger Warning: there's a brief mention of disability shaming by an unnamed, unimportant background character

Coulson hesitated, his fingertips barely brushing the pages of Goodnight Moon as he waited to see if the Little in his lap had actually fallen asleep this time. Ria had been fighting her exhaustion for the past ten minutes or so, her eyelids continuously drooping and then popping open half a second later. He’d suggested they finish their book another time but the girl had given him the saddest, most dejected look and so he’d soldiered on, pausing every once in a while to investigate whether she was still awake or not.

It looked like this time she was not. Finally.

Breathing a sigh of relief, Coulson closed the book carefully, quietly, and set it aside on the couch next to the Little’s bare legs. Ria was currently laying across his lap with her upper body resting on the mountain of pillows he’d had the foresight to grab and place between himself and the arm of the couch.

He’d explained the setup as being so she wouldn’t get a crick in her neck while she followed along with the pages of the picture book, but in reality it was a preemptive strike to avoid his own discomfort when she inevitably fell asleep on him.

Natty wasn’t so bad since he could actually physically lift her up and resettle her as needed. But Bobbi? Or Ria? There was no way he would risk his back trying to move either of the two Littles and he sure as hell wouldn’t wake them up just to have them do it themselves. Not that Bobbi ever really fell asleep on him like this, but the handful of times that she _had_ fallen asleephad been a true test of patience and tolerance to pain. So torture resistance, basically.

It wasn’t so much her larger size but the fact that her muscles were incredibly dense. She was _heavy_ and she shifted way too much in her sleep. The last time he’d inadvertently wound up with a dropped Agent Morse in his lap he’d ended up receiving more bruises from _her_ than from the FUBARed mission they’d just been extracted from.

She was keeping her distance from him tonight however, her already overstimulated senses causing her to recoil from all physical contact with him or her Sister. It didn’t phase him at this point when she got like this; he’d seen her in all forms and stages of distress and subsequently in all stages of dress. "Streaking and shrieking" he’d once heard a junior agent refer to it, though he’d never repeated the phrase himself finding it tasteless and cruel even if it _was_ unerringly accurate.

Thankfully she wasn’t doing either of those things tonight and was simply asleep on the floor, rolled up in a bed sheet like a caterpillar in a Paw Patrol cocoon. It was Clint’s bedding so it probably had more to do with soothing her overall anxiety than it did her sense of touch. Barton had been called away on a last minute assignment which was why he was there watching the Littles instead of their Big Brother.

Not that Coulson minded, even though it _was_ technically still against the rules. Thankfully Fury had given up pretending to enforce the no fraternizing between dynamics rule the moment Maria Hill had opened up about being Little. Whether he had done so because he no longer wanted to be the sole bad guy or because he’d secretly wanted to see two particular employees end up together, Coulson wasn’t sure. Though he highly believed it to be the latter since Nick had never before had a problem being the bad cop to his or Maria’s good cop.

Or really  _his_ good cop and Maria’s “whatever you need me to be” cop. The girl was much more talented than she gave herself credit for and it pained him to know that she was still struggling to accept the fact that she’d been promoted to Deputy Director based on her talent and not on her status. Fury had known about her being Little since day one but Coulson knew the man well enough to know he wouldn’t let that aspect of a person’s identity cloud his overall assessment of them.

Clint had recently told him that Maria believed Fury had only promoted her to keep an eye on her. To keep her safe by his side where she couldn’t be hurt. Which to be fair would have been part of the reason that he himself would have promoted her, if he’d been in the position to make that decision. But Coulson knew that had more to do with his own shortcomings at remaining detached from her and nothing to do with Maria’s inability to keep herself safe and out of trouble.

She was his Heartmate. Or at least, she _would_ have been his Heartmate if he hadn’t backed away and lied to her after their first mission together. She’d been shot while trying to help evacuate hostages in what should have been an easy in and out mission. They weren’t running point so shouldn’t have encountered any resistance. It was a recently formed Strike Team Beta’s screw up that had allowed a handful of enemy combatants to escape and subsequently stumble upon their rescue operation.

Coulson was more than a little proud to report that Agent Hill had reacted with extreme poise and professionalism even after being shot in the backside while shielding a complete stranger with her body. It wasn’t until they’d successfully neutralized the enemy and oversaw the safe evacuation of the remaining hostages that she’d even acknowledged her injury, which at that point had already soaked the entire back of her trousers with blood.

It was kind of surreal thinking back on it now but Coulson could remember the exact moment that Maria Hill dropped. She’d been craning her neck trying to assess the scope of her injury but the sheer amount of blood must have overwhelmed her because the next thing he knew she was screaming and collapsing to the ground in the middle of the thankfully no longer active battlefield.

Even though there were strict policies and procedures in place for if an agent dropped during a mission, in that moment Coulson couldn’t remember or care about a single one. All he could think about was getting to Maria and keeping her safe. He was in total Bigness overload which is why he didn’t bring her to the extraction point and instead brought her to a safe house where he could tend to her himself. 

It wasn’t a registered SHIELD safe house, or even really that safe, but was basically an abandoned apartment building a few miles from the complex they’d just infiltrated. Once he’d gotten her inside and away from potential enemy eyes, his mind suddenly relaxed enough to realize that he actually needed to tend to her wounds before she bled out in his arms.

What happened next was the toughest, most agonizing three days of his life. Maria had been in and out of consciousness due to her wound becoming infected and his lack of appropriate medical supplies to treat her. Pain pills he had plenty of, but antibiotics? Not a one. Whoever had packed his gear was going to lose their job, he would make certain of that.

Thankfully Maria’s own immune system had been strong enough to fight off the worst of it, and on the fourth day she’d finally woken up as her adult self again. No more clinging to him with feverish arms or calling him Papa as she trembled and cried against his chest. But that was okay since aging up meant she was getting better and there would be more time for closeness later.

Except in the end there wasn’t.

When he’d visited her for the first time in medical she didn’t seem to remember anything that had happened between them. Not her dropping, or their bonding. And he’d made sure that the nurses had left the room so she could speak freely about things, particularly her status as a Little. But even with that assurance she didn’t mention it once, and actually seemed terrified of the thought of having said or done something _wrong_ while she was delirious.

It took a few moments of listening to her panicked rambling but he’d eventually made the connection that what she was actually terrified of was the possibility of having revealed her true status to him. And that sudden realization honestly felt like a bullet right through his heart. The fact that she didn’t remember had been painful enough to digest, but knowing that she was actually _fearful_ of that very thing having happened?

No. He couldn’t do that to her. He couldn’t shatter the illusion for her that her secret was still safe, even if it meant giving her up as a Heartmate. The bond had only been one sided due to her altered state of consciousness at the time. It was a safety mechanism that both sides of the dynamic had to keep bond formation one hundred percent consensual. But as a result he knew if he kept his distance from her for the next few weeks the bond would sever on his end and she would never have to know about what almost was between them.

And even now, years later with her secret out in the open to him and a handful of others at SHIELD, she still didn’t know. About dropping for him during that mission, yeah, but about being his Heartmate? He couldn’t tell her. How could he tell her?

She wasn’t ready back then, and even if she was ready now he wasn’t so sure that he himself was. He loved Maria, the same way he loved _all_ his Bears, but to take that connection further into Heartmate territory only to potentially lose her the next time she went on a mission?

No. He couldn’t do that to himself.

It was different before. He’d still been young and naive enough to believe that nothing could ever happen to her; that she wouldn’t just… not come home one day. But now? He’d lost too many friends - good men and women, good _agents -_ over the years. He couldn’t lose her. He wouldn’t be able to survive his Heartmate not coming home. The thought of losing one of his Bears absolutely kept him up most nights, but biologically it wasn’t the same. It couldn’t be the same. Heartmates were literally a piece of one’s heart and to lose that piece? It made Coulson sick to his stomach to even imagine how that must feel.

Which is why he wouldn’t tell her. _Couldn't_ tell her. Not now and maybe not ever. But that was alright because he was still her Uncle Phil and she was still curled up in his arms fast asleep. It wasn’t the same as being her Papa, but it was enough to ease the terrible longing in his chest. The ache that only went away when she smiled at him or climbed into his lap for a kiss and a cuddle.

So even if Ria never became his Heartmate she would always be his fourth Little Bear, and that was good enough for him.

At least, for now.


End file.
